Rhythm of Immortality

AN HERO: THE FAIL OF POKEMON TRAINER SAMUEL

2010-03-14T20:31:00.007+08:00

To summarize
---
After waiting for 1hr for the pokemon release I ask, so how much is it? $65.... I HAD ONLY $64.40 OF FAIL.
---
I had called many other shops around to ask whether they had the stock. It came down to comics connection at 1+pm. I wanted to buy from the shop I bought my silver version 10 yrs ago but they didn't have stock on the opening day. And as expected, the stock didn't come in yet when I arrived at 2pm. So I waited until... WTFAILBBQ I got not enough money. And so began my searching of coins on the floor in the rain, checking trolleys for any leftover dollar, going through drains. Lucky, llk and his sister came to my rescue to give me tactical $6 on his way to suntec. (Well wouldn't it be epic fail if it was $70 and he gave me only $5?) In total about 2 1/2 hrs wandering around for money for the $0.60 I needed for pokemon.

For the record I chose Heartgold instead of Soulsilver. I got big urge to get the version I got 10 yrs ago but Kyogre > Groudon. And so was Arcanine > Ninetails.

I Missed You

2010-03-13T17:59:00.007+08:00

I Missed You
-----------
Even when the past fades away, life goes on.
People change and look towards tomorrow.
Somewhere out there she's probably getting on with her life.
So much for msn, things unspoken still remain unwritten.
Those feelings still remain in my heart.

The streets seem so meaningless. Work became unbearable.
Sometimes I still daze into space, the sky, my desk, my computer.

Walking down the street,
I suddenly walked past a familiar face.
Those brown eyes that melted my heart years ago.
That pearly black hair that I spilled my ice cream on.
My heart skipped a beat.

---"I don't think I'm ready yet.
It's going to get real busy when I get into army.
It's just not right for me to keep you."

+++"Even if you are busy, I believe true love can still keep lovers together...."

I turn around and stood motionlessly.
Waiting for the crowd to clear.
Trying to find her, trying to search for the love I lost.
But even when I couldn't see her.
I guess that true love will forever remain in me.
I smiled slightly and continued walking down my empty street.

And I didn't know, couldn't tell and might never know,
She just walked past me with a ring on her finger.

----------------
In other news next week is camping and I think its gonna be quite slack. Hopefully.

Sign - Miku version

2010-02-02T20:14:00.008+08:00

Well if anyone is a regular reader here you'd probably know I like to do some vocaloid. Alright maybe I don't post much about it, so now you know. Vocaloid is a voice synthesizer software that is able to make realistic singing and popularized by her digital voice Hatsune Miku.

Here's the chorus of Sign by flow, the from the lastest Naruto anime OP.

SIGN chorus - Miku Version

And here's my previous work on vocaloid since my old hosting site didn't work anymore. One of the bleach anime OP

Alonez - Miku Version

K now what

2010-01-31T16:55:00.002+08:00

I don't really know what to write so here goes.

- Need to finish a vocaloid song.
- Need to make new blog template.
- Need to do less guard duties.

One of these days, I got to group all my troll posts. Those were good times and full of lulz. I remember times when I got so obsess with cleaning v13, hacking Charissa's blog, cloning msn pictures, offending people which I'm not quite sure how I did but I think I kinda regret, MEATSPIN, and of course the best entertainment voiceofhappiness.blogspot.com. I think there are many more self pwning as well. My MLM adventures which I don't think I did record it down here. Alright one day I'd collate them.

Be back on Christmas Eve and back to camp on Christmas

2009-12-06T21:08:00.002+08:00

Well the title says it all. I am confined with the new recruits till 24. End

On leave

2009-11-11T23:19:00.002+08:00

I am thinking, I'm not sure what to do.

hmm later hmmm

PLOT ADVANTAGE

2009-11-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

If we knew where our hearts were, we would not have to worry.
------------------
IMPOSSIBLE I HAVE NO PLOT ADVANTAGE!?!?!
Where are the childhood girlfriends gonna start to appear!?!? or a girl next door?
------------------
Argh my schooldays are over... its pointless.

when are my dreams coming? It's long overdue.

Moonlight in the Town

2009-10-31T23:56:00.004+08:00

So it just passed... just like that...

Reminder: get my amv done.

Red bull coming back to me.

2009-10-17T03:04:00.003+08:00

I realise I been eating maggi and red bull more often in camp nowadays. Almost feeling like before I went to army. i.e everyday at home eat maggi, frozen pizza and drink red bull. Well dunno whether its a good thing or not but red bull sure tastes good. Hmm not really the taste but the ecstasy I guess.

I dunno what am I doing living actually. Nothing much to look forward. Nothing much to treasure. Well long term goals that seem very distant for me to ever achieve. Stuck in army, as days go by, fading memories, losing my past...

Hmm seems like very typical problems. Ah well no good inspiration yet. I haven't had really good dreams in a while.
--------------------------------------------------
oh anyways I doing driving course for my cui 1G vehicle now.

Duty

2009-10-10T20:15:00.002+08:00

Got no time, I haven't got a really good inspiration yet.

Army takes your life away. I can't really do anything now for anyone.

Someday maybe after army

Thinking

2009-09-20T18:56:00.002+08:00

Memories to treasure...

Need Some Inspiration for a blog template.

Love, just looking at you would be fine.
Even though that isn't enough...
Looking at the stars, always looking so far away.
Across the houses, over the sea, into the horizon.
Waking up from dreams, making me cry.
You didn't say anything but smiled at me.
I'm not worthy of that smile.

Under the influence of Red Bull

2009-09-06T01:55:00.002+08:00

Under the influence of Red Bull I shall blog a bit today.

Moving into slight depression.
The world seems to move faster than me.
I'm stuck in the same place left behind.
I partly blame NS and myself for shitty results.
Many times I stare blankly into the computer screen not doing anything.
Going through the same pages over and over again.
Even anime is not helping much.

Weird.

Perhaps its the bottled up feelings inside me.
So much I can't really feel anything that could make me a bit happier.
Such saddness may require a new blog template to match my mood.
I feel I got so much to say, but I can't express any of it.
It's as though as I've forgotten why I feel so sad.
Or maybe I do know why, and I think it's not worth being sad about.
But still feeling somewhat moody.
What is this?

Or maybe its just the red bull.
-------
In other news, swimsuit episode was GREAT SUCCESS.

SOME ONE FLAGGED ME OBJECTIONAL CONTENT

2009-07-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

>.< lame, I quite like that blogger bar. Now I have to take it off. THE ANIME PIC IS NOT ****. Jus in case if I write that word I end up getting listed in google search.

In other news, I am sick now with 38.7 degrees. The doc gave me two days MC wtf.
I thought I was smart seeing the doc earlier cause I know I bound to increase temp. So when I see the doc only 37.3. Then he gave me two days. wtf.
Now I dun think I'd get better tmr and have to see doc again. Argh.

Moral of the story, next time wait till you about to die then you see the doctor.

I WANT SWIMSUIT EPISODE

2009-07-25T20:34:00.004+08:00

The quality of the 07S56 swimsuit episode next week, I hope, should be like this below
----------

---
K this is getting too much. But but but IT"LL BE A NICE FINALE NICE ONE

Red bull.

2009-07-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

Well you do the right thing and drink red bull lots and lots. Has a really good numbing effect.
I still have stacks in my fridge for tonite for me to get drunk in red bull.
I wonder it is better to love or not to love at all.
I'm here because I'm bored.
YOU FOOL

Meah, 1 more year I'll be forgotten by the class.
Counting down...

Yet again, I say again, again again... I'll miss 07S56.
For the lulz
And also the sweetest class girls I ever had. Sry 05v13 you girls are too fierce.
ARGH NOOOOOO
Ah well, you know what that means...

I WANT A 07S56 SWIMSUIT EPISODE NEXT WEEK PLS PLS PLS PLS JIAMING OR ELAINE OR JAS OR WHOEVER PLS AHHHH

The Last Love Letter

2009-07-25T02:51:00.010+08:00

The Last Love Letter
---------making it rhyme - Samuel
-----------------------------------
It's about this time during a few years back.
I didn't realise how much you meant to me.
I always thought you'd be there.
Part of the group we'll always be.

I'm not used to buying presents for girls.
But one day my heart took control of me.
I bought you a gift and treated you for free.

On my birthday I had only one wish.
Just a day's illusion of us would do.
That couple's picture of me and you.

Each movie was special.
Whether the one before new year,
Or the many ones you slept through.
For all that matters is you being near.

Did I like you?
If liking someone means looking out for you.
Making sure you don't get hurt or cheated
Changing myself to be a better gentleman.
I love you with a passion heated.

I'm not worthy, need to be taller?
I'm not ready, need to be better.
Too afraid you'll never talk to me.
So I sealed my emotions away inside my letters.

Now you're gonna be gone,
And the closest I could be is the url of your blog I'd always remember.
How much you'll change through the pictures in your facebook.
And remembering you with my love letters you'll never receive..
Like this last one, I'm always addressing it to no one ever.
--------
That aside I am crossing my fingers for a 07s56 swimsuit episode next week.

Yuri

2009-07-20T01:46:00.005+08:00

I stumbled upon a yuri anime Sweet Blue Flowers. Yes it means Girl *heart* Girl.
Wow wow wow. I'll see how it goes.

What now?

2009-07-20T01:12:00.003+08:00

Well what now, a few more weeks, and no more.

Hollow: You'll regret it again.
Samuel: ...

Course Ending

2009-07-05T19:23:00.002+08:00

I been busy with my weekends infront of the com lately.
Well there was class bbq last week, enjoyed it. I'd like to talk more but I'm busy with lots of stuff I want to do like anime, gaming, movies before I book in later.

Good news, I have no more guard duty for the rest of my course which will end on july 15. Hopefully get to be instructor. Then I'd have lots of more time for more stuff.

Seems I am missing out on something very important.

Guard Duty

2009-06-14T20:09:00.002+08:00

Stupid guard duty

I lost my freedom this weekend.
So little time.

I dreamt of a new class.
New friends, new girls.
Quite nice girls.

Am I going to leave my past behind?
I don't want to let go of you.

Seems like army is stealing my friends as well.
---
Too tired.
Still I want to watch drag me to hell. Soon I hope.
Less than 12 hrs of freedom. I can't think right.
Less than an hour to go back to army.
Demoralised and fearful.

Show you how I feel

2009-06-06T23:00:00.004+08:00

Show you how I feel
-----------------------------Dreamt by Samuel
--------------------------------------------------

I clutched onto my sketchbook. Our eyes met each other. The memories hidden in my sketchbook flashed once again. How long has it been?
I walked across the road.

“Yo…”
“… Yo”

I struggled to think of something. My heart played a familiar allegro rhythm I had not experience for a very long time. Words weren’t needed. We were both going to towards one of my favourite piece.
----

Picture by Steve PenBerty, http://www.flickr.com/photos/liquidchroma-/2768541944/
-----------
I was anxious to break the silence. “How’s everything?”
“Fine I guess”.
“So are you still drawing?”
“Nope, I’m currently training to be a diplomat”
“Wow that’s nice, but you got to get married someday and settle down right?”
That wasn’t cool. I tried to keep my composure and tried not to appear too embarrassed.
“Yeah someday I guess… … so have you become a science researcher yet?”
“I dropped out of my course. I’m a computer programmer now.”
“Oh…”
-----
We sat by the lake where a young boy beside us was feeding the fishes.
“What’s this?” She held my sketchbook in her hand.
“Oh I used to draw some stuff inside there, I don’t use it anymore.”
Even so I always carried it around.
“Eh I didn’t know you drew!” She laughed in amusement.
She flipped open and saw a picture of me in a sad face.
“You don’t draw very well do you?”
Then she looked at the description I wrote.

April 7,
I didn’t have the courage to apologize to her…
April 6,
I am really sorry I broke her heart. Tomorrow I must do something or else….

I thought I heard her let out a sob. A tear drop down from her face. I wanted to tell her what I’m feeling, but I was afraid. Once again, I didn’t have the courage.
“Not bad…” She flipped to a picture of a beauty young teenage girl. I remembered that cute short hair and shinning brown eyes that melted my heart. She touched her own long silky black hair and smiled with the same brown eyes to the girl in the picture.
She flipped again and saw two teenage lovers by the lake. Under the clear blue sky, the girl kissed gently on the cheek of the guy. She looked at me and I looked away.
---
I took up drawing because of her.
I wanted to understand her.
I wanted to ask her out.
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted to marry her.
But I couldn’t tell her how I felt.
Maybe I could show her how I felt.
But then something happened…
---
The boy feeding the fishes peered over her to see my sketchbook. Already red with embarrassment I tried pushing the boy away from the book. The boy snatched the book from her. I quickly caught hold of the boy’s leg. The boy struggled off and lost his footing. In his arms still clutching my sketchbook, he was going to fall into the lake. I stretched out my hand and took hold of my sketchbook.
“I got it!”
The next thing I knew my body dived into the lake. My sketchbook floated on the surface and then dipped into the lake. At that instant, I felt meaningless to struggle anymore and released the strength in my arms and legs. Slowly, my sketchbook and I drifted to the bottom of the lake. Her voice slowing fading away…
---------------------------------------------------------
I had this dream on Wednesday in my camp. Well actually in my dream we were supposed to be on a tall building, and the boy was feeding dinosaurs. I fell off the building. But yeah it'd be pretty much weirder if I really wrote exactly what I dreamt. Well, let’s see if I got anymore dreams next week to help me continue the story.

AI == ARTILLERY INSTITUDE

2009-05-31T19:37:00.004+08:00

It appears AI == ARTILLERY INSTITUDE NOT ARMOUR INFANTRY.

MORTAR USE KEYBOARD TO SHOOT, HOLD CARBINE LIGHTER THAN SAR21, NO CAMO NO ROUTE MARCH NO LIVE FIRE, 6 MORE WEEKS TO 3SG

That is all.

401th post

2009-05-25T00:17:00.004+08:00

Alrite last post before going to armour infantry today.

Watched so much anime I end up watching shugo chara! >.<

Yes, I think I'm watching it cause the girls are cute XD. I can't believe I used that smiley. I feel quite kiddy watching it. The show's similar to those magical girl anime like sailormoon, cardcapter sakura.. But but they're cute wad >.< Shall not continue else I'd be labeled a pedo. Which I probably am already labeled by now.

Someone save me.

Ah whatever, hopefully this week goes smoothly and not too hiong. Feel like watching horror soon. hmmm i might make a shugo chara template soon. And I am wishing a 07s56 class swimming episode soon. PLEASE PLEASE

Some Edits

2009-05-20T23:09:00.002+08:00

This is now version 1.0a Smaller version. Realised the first one didn't fit most screens.

Took me the whole day to make this. K not really, I spent half the day watching anime.

I realise I got so many cards I made another magic the gathering deck.

Ok back to more anime. I'm gonna miss my block leave and freedom.

A new morning, myself and the "I love you" which I couldn't say

2009-05-20T17:45:00.001+08:00

New blog template Film on Grass 1.0
Anime from 5 centimeter per second.

May blog more later but gtg eat dinner and stuff now.

5 Centimeters Per Second

2009-05-18T01:28:00.003+08:00

"Do you know sakura petals fall 5 Centimeters Per Second?"

Just finish watching an anime movie while trying to think of a new template.

5 Centimeters Per Second is about two childhood friends growing further and further apart from each other as the years go by. Even so they still both dream of each other and think of the times they shared together. Yup stardard childhood lovers story for all of us to reminisce.

Shows like this reminds me how precious friends can be and how sad it is to lose contact with them.
--------------

--------------
One More Time, One More Chance

Sung, written, produced by:
Yamazaki Masayoshi

If I lose any more than this, will my heart be forgiven
How much pain before I can see you again
One more time, please don't change the season
One more time to the time when we fool around

When our path cross each other, I am always the first to turn
Making me indulge more in my selfish way
One more chance tripped by memories
One more chance we cannot choose our next place

I am always searching somewhere for you
Opposite of the house, the other side of the alley's window
Even though I know you won't be here
If my wish is to be granted, please bring me to you right now
Betting and embracing everything
To show you there's nothing else I can do

Anybody should be fine if it was just to ease loneliness
Because the stars in the night sky seems like falling, I cant lie to myself
One more time, please dont' change the season
One more time to the time when we fool around

I am always searching somewhere for you
Even at the intersection and dream
Even though I know you won't be here
If miracle was to happen, I want to show it to you right now
A new morning, myself
and the "I love you" which I couldn't say

Summer's memory is revolving
The sudden disappearance of heart beat

I am always searching somewhere for you
At dawn's town, At Sakuragi street
Even though I know you won't come here
If my wish is to be granted, please bring me to you right now
Betting and embracing everything
To show you there's nothing else I can do

I am always searching somewhere for your fragment
At the destination's shop, At the corner of the newspaper
Even though I know you won't be there
If miracle was to happen, I want to show it to you right now
A new morning, myself
And the "I love you" which I couldn't say

I always end up looking somewhere for your smile
At the railway crossing of the fast pace town
Even though I know you won't be here
If life can be repeated, I'll go to you many times over
There's nothing else that I want
Nothing else is more important than you

BSLC END

2009-05-16T04:12:00.002+08:00

Got into armour infantry. Didn't expect that coming. Didn't think they let small size people go armour. Anyways, I hope get to see lots of cool stuff then.

Currently on block leave till 25 may. Yesterday was 30km road march overnite. Damn shag. Lots of time now what should I do?

Reflections of the Past

2009-05-09T23:41:00.004+08:00

Was feeling quite empty the last few weeks, the army helmet sucking my life away. Can't think well.

Jus clicked on my old blogposts archives

Woah I think I do have some pretty interesting posts in my archives
like this one:
----
A poem to my love companion

During times of fatigue and loneliness,
You came to me under a cover of darkness but yet you brighten my day
The endless piles of homework consumes me,
Yet your presence quenches and refreshes me with the strength to continue.
A day without you dampens my mood,
I am spellbind by your aroma.

I don't want the traces of your love to leave me
Please don't leave me, my love companion, my caffeine, my cup of instant 3 in 1 coffee.

-----

Just to theme my blog posts through the years.

2005 Year of Sephiroth
2006 Year of Politics
2007 Year of Talking to me myself and hollow ichigo
2008 Year of Hollow ichigo part 2 and implicit messenges to a certain boosh
2009 ???

So what shall this year be? It seems to be going to be a year of emptiness if I don't start posting more often. I am feeling a bit empty this year though. This is probably one of the few times I ever talk about anything this year, or maybe something.

Weird. Weird. Weird.

It can't be.

Am I?

No.

Is there suppose to be reason?

Same old

Still I got no balls. noooo balls.

Your Lost Soldier

2009-05-02T00:34:00.006+08:00

Your Lost Soldier -----
------- Army songs gets into your head so says Samuel

I think I've lost you
Disorintated in the jungle
Guess it's time to move on to a new checkpoint
And I'd never know how you felt
Since we didn't begin searching enough for each other
When the cold wind blows, I'd miss you so.

Repetition alike army training
Killing my soul.
So much to do,
So much to say,
So little time.
Got no guts
Like a helmet on my head clogging my thoughts
I can't find the words to my feelings.
Just need a little rock and roll.

Straining to see through my dirty glasses,
Is that a blurred vision of you
Or my enermy making a mock out of me.
Too afraid again
My uniform won't block those rounds.
If I die, would you bury me?

Perhaps looking from afar is all that I need.
And yet another burden into my field pack.
With an aching in my heart
Same old shit again

Duty calls for me to fight.
But I'm not worthy to guard you.
It's a sad sad song.
For my 2 years of confinement
Don't let it cage your freedom.
But when I'm done
I'd hurry back home
Cause I'd miss you so.
---
Template needs changing.
---

A Cruel Transformation

2009-03-14T19:39:00.011+08:00

A Cruel Transformation-------------------------------------
------------ an inspiration of mine from zombie infection movies

Bloodstained hands of mine
Stop this bleeding in my gut.
Cursed is my wound.
Bitten from people I trusted.

Insanity spread like dust across the land.
People in madness knowing not right and wrong.
Stabbing those on the ground.
Kissing those murderous hypocrites.

Wounded by deceit.
Is there not a soul left in these savage bodies.
Why has compassion forsaken the right.
And praises entertaining the demons

My heartbeat grows weaker.
A repressing hunger I feel.
My sense of justice deserting me.
A fear of losing my senses.

Pain distorts my judgement.
Love becomes meaningless when you're alone.
No one could care about the truth anymore.
I grew in hunger for the anything goes.

My oldself fated to die.
A new sensation flowing through my veins
Hunger that feeds on the demise of others.
That mirrors the minds of all you scumbags

Say goodbye a last time to this cruel world.
For happiness shall await me in cruelty.
Where I no longer want to do what is right.
And my turn comes to bite every single one of you I had dearly cared for.

So what happen?

2009-03-14T03:32:00.002+08:00

Lots of things. NS, sucky A level results. New friends. Currently block leave. And hmm ssef didn't win.

You don't understand a shit. He is pure evil. Don't you get it. He never changes. Argh.

Not many days left. I still wanna watch horror...

Mind Control, New Year Resolution

2009-01-03T00:56:00.003+08:00

I think I have said this before. Repetition is one of a nice ways of mind controlling. Supposely it works by subconsciously influencing people. Then again I believe pokemon exists as well. One day I realised it just shows insecurity about yourself. Trying to change the world, but I realise perhaps I'm the one that needs changing. I did try changing myself, it just made me bitter and miserable. One day I realised the problem isn't with me, the world is stupid. I was insecure about the world not me. People, perhaps in their innocence, make faces to create friendship or backstab. The line can be quite thin. Sometimes it is downright obvious. Still people, perhaps in their innocence, try to make faces as though nothing has happened. I made faces as though nothing has happened, to friends, to love, to everyone. When every thought in my mind seems to be killing people. Not for any noble cause, but just to fit in this stupid world.

So this year, screw it with forgiveness , I've got a new resolution. I need to improve my game. A new strategy to deal with this messed up world. Hollow thinks so too.

Going crazy

2008-12-20T01:38:00.003+08:00

I have about 3 weeks left. Its going by. Something bothering me today. Perhaps I am going crazy. I am not entirely sure but I feel angry and sad. I am not sure what's it about though. Or either too many stuff going on. Accumulating. Lets see if i can get something done.

Atlantica Online

2008-11-29T21:02:00.002+08:00

Tried Atlantica Online yesterday. I'm lvl 20 as of now. Yes the one the advertises if you are unsatisfied they will pay you, with the condition u are lvl 50 and some reason to give them. Atlantica Online uses turn base fights like final fantasy style. Yeah you control more than one character in fights. Wonder how much more time it can kill for me. I haven't got my sdd stuff. I have no idea what to buy. Need some help =( Got new army specs. The days are going quite fast, well at least today.

Mind reading abilities

2008-11-28T01:28:00.004+08:00

Well it seems I lacked motivation to finish a miku template.

It hurts when you can read minds cause everynow and then you feel betrayed by people around you. Nowadays you don't need psychic mind reading ablities to know what's going on. You can pick up clues in speeches, msn, sms, blog posts. My impulse tells me I'm all alone. Cause my heart is overshadowed by many illusions, weakening or strengthening my judgement. Either way its all too painful. It's too late, illusions or not, it feels empty down here. Who am I to say anything anyways. I tried again and again, and I grew wearier each time. Turn back at that point in time, if I'd not use my mind reading ablities. The world would have been a better place full of happy liars and cheerful deceit. Then again even now I might be in a happy delusion. Cursed by my ability. I am refering to all of you, who feel that I am making reference to you.

Perhaps, I am still attached to the theme of my current template.

Miku-Bleach Alonez OP

2008-11-19T02:44:00.001+08:00

Finished OP version of Miku Alonez, full version will come another day

http://media.putfile.com/Miku-Bleach-Alonez-OP

Well, I think still needs a bit more tweaking though. Vocaloid is hardwork.

Time to move on to the finer things in life. Miku blog template.

I think my headache is making me sianz. Sharp pain on the back of my head.

Delaying miku

2008-11-15T20:10:00.007+08:00

Been busy with lots of stuff. Trying Red Alert 3, editing a song with vocaloid, this season's anime, and other games. New template will have to come later.

edit:
I did the first verse of alonez can hear here

http://media.putfile.com/Miku-Alonez-01

Moe

2008-11-10T22:50:00.002+08:00

I am having the urge to do a moe template after Wednesday.

For the lulz

2008-11-03T12:53:00.019+08:00

Ah well this is free time eating my lunch anyways, so people who says I should concentrate on A levels, well this is free time anyways. This is just for the lulz. This incident kinda reminds me of what happened to one of my classmate's blog who deceived many of my classmates and me with fake emails and fake tagboard posts. As a result he got owned and hacked real bad. Check out here http://voiceofhappiness.blogspot.com/ and have a good laugh.
Here's my ip. Anyways.

In response to wilbur's post.
Well its obvious we dunno who really meatspin the girls. Since we yet to find "Wibar"'s ip on the tagboards. And I shall concede that ip really isn't a very good evidence though, since ip changes after a while like I stated earlier.

On a side note, sorry you just learn how to printscreen the hard way because of this "wibar". Its seems you been using a rather old laptop to check your ip. (Points to wireless at bottom right) And you haven't updated your com for a while. (Points to yellow shield windows update at bottom right). And your antivirus seems not to be working well. (Points to red shield at bottom right)

Hey in no way am I saying that printscreen is fake. Well I guess many people might have old laptops as well. I suggest you get better browsers like mozilla or a better com? The outdated Internet explorer is porn unfriendly and may cause massive pop ups. If you ever stumble into viruses your com might die badly. I wonder how your com could survive though taking that guys like us have a huge amount of late night usage, that is if you have used that laptop regularly.

Upon checking the ip, wilbur's ip seem to be from a starhub provider.

My seems to be from singnet. Even if ip changes, the provider would be still be the same. So apparently if "Wibar" who meatspin girls reads a starhub provider on their tagboards. It definitely cannot be me. I shall take a gamble here, cause maybe "Wibar" is also using singnet.

Of course you and I are assuming that it is not you as you could do something more damaging. How could I ever penetrate such logic? You could do even more damaging by stealing my handphone and spam using my handphone, and spam a non-existent michelle blog account. Perhaps if you could disguise as me with some makeup and post a video of me meatspining. That would be very damaging indeed since my meat is not that soft to be able to spin. You could have called in gays to do a live meatspin infront of me and penetrate me. I mean your logic is so inpenetratable, surely you could have penetrate much more worse stuff than spamming meatspin and have a more stimulating experience.

I will say again in response to your new post. Sorry to the viewers between around 8pm to 10pm on that day on your blog. I am sure there were massive amounts of people reading your blog during that time during that single day. I really meant to meatspin wilbur for the lulz only. I did say sorry to you on your comments. Hope you don't take it to heart.

Seriously, I am sorry I didn't know you were so homophobic. I should have read daryl's blog earlier. In the world of late night internet, I was sure you were familiar with many other erotic sensations, just like me and many other guys and won't take it to heart.

However, I would like to say I am not responsible for the other tags on girls blog. And I really shouldn't be saying sorry for those. I feel bad for them but, really "Wibar" should be the one to say sorry to them.

On another side note, We can go through great lengths and find out who is who. Just like what happened to this guy http://voiceofhappiness.blogspot.com/ . However, I think what "Wibar" did was trying to be funny just like me. But meatspining girls blog is really an OB marker. Between the flaming blog devils and the deep blue sea great for sailing, I'd have to jump into the sea for this one. So "Wibar" I do think in my view that what you did was quite funny, but you crossed the unfortunate OB marker. I am writing this for the lulz and quite selfishly to save my own penetratable ass. I hope you understand and don't take this to heart so much. So "Wibar" no hard feelings k?

This is just for the lulz. I really do not hate wilbur or "wibar". I'm glad wilbur can forgive me for causing so much trouble for him. I hope you would forgive "wibar" for the trouble he has caused to wilbur. I doubt I dare meatspin anyone again.

I crossed my fingers and click post. Samuel

Quite an old quiz

2008-10-23T11:57:00.003+08:00

Was wondering where those people got their colours for their signature. Found the quiz and did it.

Bored.

Attention all meatspin fans and haters

2008-10-06T18:41:00.005+08:00

Attention all meatspin fans and haters,

It appears that someone whom I am not entirely sure of has been using my name to meatspin many girls and only girls tagboard. Before you girls start to flame me or meatspin me back, I tell you I did not post the www.meatspin.com link on your tagboard. Since I am not sure who did it, I shall use a fake name called "Wibar". This name has no relation to the person Wilbur of http://friendly-fire-on.blogspot.com/ whom I successful meatspined and then threatened me to pay for my crimes at around 7pm before the meatspining on all your blogs at around 11pm. It's definately not him though because he has logic that is inpenetrable so I assume a mere dick could never penetrate him and arouse him and with that erotic impulsion spam your blogs later.

Of course if this 'Wibar' has tagged on your blog recently, you can use your cbox account to check the ip of the fake samsamsamy if it corresponds to 'Wibar'. Then again proxies might not reveal him and ip changes perhaps after a week though. Some of you have my real samsamsamy(me) tag after the fake samsamsay tag to apologise to you girls and you would see they are totally different ips.

I apologise for any discomfort, even though I think I should not be the real person apologising. Meatspin was only meant for inpenetrable guys. I would never try to penetrate any other gender, even though it might be enormously tempting to do so, let alone dare meatspin many many many girls in one night. A simple reason because I know I can never get away with it and I know this 'Wibar' will not too.

Any of you who wants to discuss who this 'wibar' might be can contact me at my email samsamsamy@msn.com. I hope this 'wibar' is not one of my friends who turn on-friendly-fire. Well even if it is, thanks for the lulz.

edits:
I realise that some girls might have accidentally stumbled on meatspin on Wilbur's blog though. Sorry about that I really meant that link for Wilbur and guys only. Sorry for my actions. I thought surely he would delete the tag fast though. Well apparently guys and 'Wibar' would lulz at meatspin, and it seems enjoyable for him to meatspin more ++girls on girls blog. I'll help you photocopy your notes or buy you a drink if you want.

Distracted

2008-08-27T04:30:00.002+08:00

I just work up. I am getting distracted too easily. I need my coffee.

Archiving 21st August again

2008-08-21T00:50:00.002+08:00

Ah well todays the same day again.

If I were to say what was different from last year, this year posts seem more negative. It seems I was already on the red bull last year this time. After 17th I was trying to find out how to forgive. Check jan1 I think. Well I failed badly, I realised it was not how to forgive, but why should I forgive and apparently I have no reason to forgive. Well I kinda regret that resolution but well still a few more months till new year to convince myself otherwise, if I could.

You expose unneccessary danger to people that can take advantage of your moral beliefs, because you are restricted by your own mental justice system. There is no self-sacrifice, or selfless. We want to be self-ish. Self-ish looks more sophisticated being two seperate words. May post more later

Not asking for it

2008-08-16T23:55:00.004+08:00

The person who is able to read me will be getting a treat.

Never judge a book by its cover. Not many people really live up to that. In fact their eyes seem so blind to the fact that the book is right open infront of them. Shallow creatures. So many of them. So ignorant and happy, while I see ruthless, backingstabbing, nonrational, selfish, hypocritez, ultra sensitive to small unimportant matters, while being ignorant and respond to the surface, unable to see the struggles beneath. There is nothing too chim. Either you are very gullible or lazy or self-absorbed . All of them responding to actions irregardless of the person's intentions.

Stomachache: Thought Experiment on Forgiveness and Punishment

2008-08-15T23:52:00.004+08:00

Pain on my stomach the left side.

Lets give a thought experiment.
If sufficient evidence is given to convict a criminal of lets say rape. The criminal has denied any wrong doing. Should you the friend of the criminal still treat the criminal as a friend and forgive him?

2nd scenario now, the person who was raped was your friend as well, should you treat the criminal as a friend and forgive him?

3rd scenario, you were the person raped, should you treat the criminal as a friend and forgive him?

On to the concept of forgiveness. The clear cut 3rd scenario, If someone does intentional harm to you and denies wrongdoing, why would you ever forgive the person? It seems more justified that you experience anger, fustration, betrayal. Forgiveness seems irrational. Is it a moral right to forgive such person?

1st scenario, if the person has never harmed you then what are you actually forgiving. First need to define where anger in this case should lie. You are angry that the person has done something wrong. This wrong is not done to you but to a another party.

You are angry about the wrongdoing as morally wrong. How do you approach forgiveness in this sense? You are forgiving the person such that he has somewhat turn over a new leaf and will not harm anyone. Does this mean as long as you do not see anymore wrong doing by the person you would have forgiven him? And so would forgive him if he continues to deny any wrong doing on the crime but has not done anymore crime after the his time in jail? This possibility exists because you are forgiving what he does and not what he thinks.

2nd scenario you realises it is your friend who was hurt. As a friend you are more angry about the fact that someone you know and hang out with was hurt rather than morally wrong. In this case depending on the level of friendship you have, you may be concerned more in either what he does or what he thinks.

Depending on how personal you feel about the crime, you tend to forgive a person more if he did not cause harm to you but harm to other people. The levels are personal, friend, and onlooker. So what does he actually deserve? That is why it is important to have an unbiased law to criminalised such people because depending on each person's feelings the punishment or forgiveness level is different.

My 4th scenario, now the crime is not rape, the crime is bad mouthing you. Without a fair sentence by law, who is to determine the punishment of the person or level of forgiveness. This give rise to different attitudes towards the person. Is it fair for no punishment to be given? Or on the other side a punishment too harsh? In any case who will have the right to give punishment? The right to be protected as with any real crime lies with the person who was hurt. The problem is there is no fair trial to punish the criminal. Punishment given by the person who was hurt would be more than what onlookers would want.

Has the guy got away with his crime? It would greatly seem so. If the person who was hurt is fair and just, he would have no basis to impose his own revenge on the person who has hurt him.

When there is no governing law, freedom exists with people with no morals, with no sense of justice or fairness. People with morals, justice or fairness will lose out. The society is better off dog eat dog. We should just fight for ourselves including killing, manupilation, backstabbing each other is the best way to solve such problems if there is no law to govern us.

I should learn to be less moral, less just and less fair.

Lets talk about smileys

2008-08-13T22:24:00.002+08:00

:))) =)))) <3 <3

Those are some of the smileys I hate. Alone they look quite ok actually but used inappropriately in a sentence can cause some eye twitching and invoke rounds of cursing.

Take this for example. My friend wanted my full code for my program.

XXX:"Hey have you finished your coursework"
Me:"no not yet"
after a while
XXX:"finish liao ma? =)" <---- triggering point damn you go to hell argh crap shitface. ARGH I AM WORKING ON IT PLEASE STOP WITH THE SMILEYS IT DOESN"T HELP ME.

Or another example constant use of smileys.
XXX: " I bet I look good on the dance floor =)"
XXX:" ;) really lor"
XXX:" =) ask you something ah"
XXX:" can reserve seat for me at table =)"
XXX:" thanks thanks ;)" <-- mulitple smileys lose their original meaning makes you look like a primary school kid annoying annoying acting cute.

Or the recent excessive use of <3 in ppt and convos with no apparent meaning. Cute and trying too hard. I mean if there is some meaning in it sure but that like "I <3 you" or "<3 you hair!" but don't do:

XXX:"Overseas trip 2008 <3" <--- triggering point wtf you put the heart there for. My reply:"Overseas trip 2008 _|_".

The thing is overusage of smileys makes you look like you trying too hard, lack of creativity, acting cute, insensitive on some occations. You have exceeded the smiley limit, please kill yourself NOW. KILL KILL KILL KEKEKE

If you have other similar attention seeking habits such as tagging on your own blog and dreaming you're the most hip blogger in the fountain of youth, please stop making yourself look a clown. Then you might say:"Why so serious? =)" ARGH!??!!? Wake up you piece of shit, can you try smashing your head till my dick in your conscience =)

There must be something to do

2008-08-11T02:32:00.004+08:00

There's another thing I dun like which is ambiguity.

I don't know why eh? <--- See sounds like a bastard. Can you reply something more sensible and not sound like my dick in your conscience.

It's like spreading like disease. It often mutates into similar strands like "doing something/stuff" or like changing the topic to "why you ask eh?" then totally avoiding the question. Would it hurt just to answer directly? damn it. Perhaps its the prologue of the scheme of hypocritez.

If you have other similar symptoms such as tagging on your own blog and dreaming you're the most hip blogger in the fountain of youth, please seek treatment immediately.

If you don't you'll probably go into stage XX where;
1. You morph into a full time hypocrite asshole + who mugs everyday.

(in case you're already a mugger)
2. You start getting dumber and forgets everything you learn in lectures and during exams all your pens is shrunken by x10 and depending on what stage you are at it might just be depressing and you turn into a girl if you haven't already become a girl.

(in case you turn into a girl which explains why there are more girls than guys)
3. Start to jabber away without thinking and you sound like you put bubble wrap in your bra.

(in case you do all of the above)
4. You must have reached the nivarna of stupidity, so shallow only outward appearances and physical actions attract you most. You know yourself best. <-- hmmm actually might not since you already became irrational and self-absorbed.

Of course it might not turn out that way. But like it or not, you are an asshole in the eyes of many. The treatment is to just start answering questions properly and you'll do fine.

I know where you live Hypocritez,

2008-08-09T03:12:00.003+08:00

Dear Hypocritez,

think think! its all part of the scheme.
everyone thinks not telling the truth is ok, no it just makes it worse. DAMN YOU HYPOCRITES.

Next time just tell me.

Right, how can people dislike a person and still ask the same person for help? What kind of morals do you have??!?!! HYPOCRITEZ

NONOOONNO, hmm see now if you believe opinions are relative and both can be true. Then I believe your opinion is false. And my can be true. So your opinion is false. So how can both opinions coexist?

Right so I didn't predict correctly, fine redo hypothesis.

Pity? what is there to pity? to give chance? He doesn't deserve any, bloodybackstabbers. So really if you are really so altruistic, why waste your time studying go protest. GO plant a tree and shit on it. Hypocrites. Just to make yourself feel better by saying and not doing. Verbal masturbation.

NERDS, "why so serious"<--ly this nick people put is overused. ARGH cuts your heads.
STOP TAGGING AFTER ME AND ON YOUR OWN BLOG TWAT. this is madness, yuck

In Good Faith,
Hollow Sam

Love can be one-sided

2008-08-06T15:02:00.010+08:00

If I have to define love in a sentence it's obsessively liking someone.

How I feel
When I feel lonely, I missed hearing your voice
Even if I hardly speak to you.

When I feel happy, I get excited by your smile.
Even when I haven't seen you for ages.

When I feel tired, I'd recover from your touch.
Even when I had never touched your hand.

When I feel sleepy, I dreamt of your kiss.
Even if you are kissing someone else.

When I feel angry, I hated the distance between us.
Even when you are just sitting beside me.

When I feel naughty, I'd play with your hair.
Even if it's strands on the floor.

when I feel funny, I laughed at the times we were together.
Even if it were only sharing seats at a bus stop.

When I feel hopeless, I longed for your heart
Even if it has already stop beating.

If only if you could feel the same.

New Template

2008-08-06T03:54:00.002+08:00

new template.

might edited parts of layout. bits of bleach and butterflies.

There is no meaning in the world.

Testing 2.0

2008-07-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

Testing 2.0

Weird

2008-05-20T22:54:00.001+08:00

Weird
I attempts to focus my energy failed. Proper definition. Meaningless. Shaking leg. Stunned. Thinking of thinking what to say. Tummy full. Too much rice and fries. Magick. Following news. Thinking of stupid people. 24/7 thinking of stupid people. Weird. Weird. And weird. Pain and weird again. Weird. Only can say weird. Then again, scheming, cunning and failed at the same time. Fail and weird. So fail and fail. Hearing things. Hearing music no one playing. Music......................... Seeing things? My life needs more demons to scare me. Scare me, life is boring. Routine. Fear. Need to kill time. Need to kill people. Neutrality or suppressed emotions. Dirty people. Unusually vengeful. Why? People don't realise what is realllllllllllllly true, friends and friendship. Ignorance and kindness on their part. Would I do the same? Filthy people. Wasting time sleeping, and I realise I'm wasting time not sleeping. Is there nothing more meaningful. Should do some schoolwork. Boring. I need to kill time. Pain. Things are pre-defined. People have already set-mindsets. Under certain conditions chances are given. Sometimes no chances at all. Weird, you are all weird people, demons, witches, bitches. Fail, so fail. So close yet so far. Damn you all. Pre-definition, fate. Fate is a dirty word. Bad excuse. Worst. Who is anyone to determine your fate. Illogical, unintuitive. Weird. Copying cat. Please go shit somewhere else. Illogical arguments. Sad. So sad, being depressed. Everything is depressing and it starts to add up. Adding. Fate is cruel to me. Is it? Need to stay awake. Stay awake.

Everything is just so weird.

Testing blogtemplate 1.02

2008-05-06T19:10:00.001+08:00

Testing 1.02

Pain

2008-04-30T23:54:00.004+08:00

Bitten twice, shame on me.

When compassion takes over rational thinking
You make mistakes all over again.
So next time, don't give in to that smile
Cover your ears from those sweet voices.
And please kill what's left of my compassion

Level up rage.
Level up rational.

Necromancy

2008-03-24T05:15:00.002+08:00

Another sleepless night.

The source of pain is happiness.

So Happiness, happiness go away.
Come again another day,
Or cruel pain will always stay.

So may I live in neutrality,
Where meaningless becomes meaningful.
Without love, without hate.
So numb my feelings once again.
And turn my heart into stone.
So I may stop myself from loving you.

Die in ignorance

2008-03-01T04:16:00.004+08:00

Suppression of emotions

Suppression of emotions killing me slow.
Enslaved by morals; mere lies redefined.
Useless religions pervading my mind.
Nothing but shattered glass, a meaningless soul.
Suffering in silence, creating illusions.
Dissolving my vision, controlling my delusions.
Eluding from romance, reality, my sanity.
And those other suppressed emotions.
No, infections poisoning me

----------
Isn't it so childish to rhyme? Childish to think so innocently. Childish to be ignorant. Childish to live in lies.

Who cares anyways. Let them die in ignorance.

Project Work - Reminder

2008-02-21T16:10:00.005+08:00

Had a talk about project work with mum. Here some points I came up with.

Project work should be scrapped. Instead projects should be initiated by the students instead forced upon the students.

1. Members should not be selected by the teacher. This is because it is unfair to people who put in a lot of effort and others in the group slack.

2. Even though you may say you can approach the teacher to complain about slackness of the group members. Firstly there is a moral dilemma not to offend your friends. Secondly, the line between enthu and slack is difficult to determine. E.G. when a person does "research", how do you qualify research? Is cut and paste counted as research? I would say bloody no, but slack group members would think otherwise.

3. Individual performance is difficult to measure to differenciate good members and bad members. Firstly the only individual marks you get most would be from presentation. It is highly probable that a person who is lazy, lack of creativity etc, would be able to score well in presentation. In the end, the person who presents the best in the group gets the highest score since written report is shared marks. And the person who puts so much effort in the written report end up scoring least if his presentation is weaker.

4. Ideas generation can be very hard to judge simply because your ideas normally do not come from an article or readings. Sometimes ideals may just pop up in the bus or when you wake up or when you are bathing. Even if a person has good ideals, the ideas go uncounted for simply because of the rigidness of ideas generation being limited to articles.

Perhaps they are trying to reward the process of the project. But the fact of the matter is that the assessment does not reflect idea generation when you are forced to create lame ideas from a few articles.

However I see possible "problems" why schools do not want freedom in projects.

1. Tendency for studens in sports ccas and others who have intensive practices to not have a group. Also those with a lack of friends might not find any group. Therefore by moderating groups all groups somewhat have an "equal" chance.

But of course the real reason is that the results of PW would generally be better since a group is forced to have a strong person together with a weaker person. But is it fair? Why should people who are busy with their cca or are slack get better group members while more enthu group members are forced to have group members who cannot sync with their time and slack? Teachers also do not select fair members. This is because a person can be hardworking in his homework and assignements but when it comes to project work, their research skills and lack of creativity are an epic fail. It is highly possible you can end up with lots of slack people in your group even if they are muggers. I would also say you can abuse this system by acting slack in the first term so that teachers will pair you will a strong group.

2. Without project work, there is a difficulty in making Singaporean students differciate from one another and other students from other countries. To make Singaporean students have a more competitive edge we introduce PW.

Well then you should make project work optional and freedom of choice for members. Those who really want to do projects for interest or results would therefore put in more effort and find group members who share the same interest and passion. There is no need for compulsary project work since the more enthu students will find projects to do. Let the market regulate itself.

Along with the negatives side of PW, even if you can do other self-initiated projects that you have the freedom to choose, the fact is that PW is too much an important factor to apply for competitive uni subject courses. If it is so important, then PW should allow more freedom to choose members therefore slack group members would be sacked at the will of the group, and also give the same marks to all group members since the group members are choosen by the group members and for the group members and they shall bear with the same results. In the PW system now, we have no choice in members so it would give rise to free riders. So what if the marginal social benefit is high? It is nevertheless unfair as the marginal private benefit for enthu group members would be small due the rigidity of the PW assessment. But what say do they have, PW is like NS and is forced onto us. Unlike NS, PW is an criteria to determine your future uni subject courses and it needs to truely reflect the a person's project work management skills.

Failed in lying and copying

2008-02-20T00:24:00.007+08:00

The feelings of boredom seep into my veins.

OMG BLOODY HELL STOPP COPYING ME YOU CLOWN. DON"T COPY!!!

------
When writing style, blogging template, even titles become similar. The individual loses his sense of identity to the simulacra created by failed bloggers, possibly classmates, that try to make their blog more lively.
------
Yes, emoness has left me for quite a while now. Even though this is another late night posting.
-----
Some people failed in lying. Indeed it is highly probable that you can sprain your leg while walking most of the time in a 4.8km route. When lying becomes so idiotic sometimes can cause your hair to spike up in a weird fashion.

How should we expose such people that lie? When we have the proof at hand, should we make lifes more miserable for such people? Isn't there anyone for justice? Critising everyone in the world, we find ourselves mirroring what we hate the most.

Am I consciously evil or subconsciously evil? Likely evil will always be conscious since you probably are forgiven if you do not know if something is wrong. But no I'm not evil, my rage is totally reasonable, my bashing is totally truthful. I feel like sleeping

LIFE IS GOOD

2008-02-16T21:13:00.001+08:00

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!
I CANNOT FEEL EMO!!!!
----
hope this time it'll really last long enough.

No Regrets

2008-02-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

My serenity was interupted by the same disturbing image. Horrific 3 - letter acronyms. Engulfied in rage, my vengeful soul. PLEASE STOP COPYING ME AND FOLLOWING WHAT I DO.

-------
Today slept at 330am, woke up at 530am. I put my alarm next to my ears so I won't miss the last few hours. The last few hours of huan yuet in Singapore. Compared to her secondary school friends, I can't say we have been through a lot. Nevertheless, friends should be there for each other. Especially if they're in your current class. If I don't wake up, I don't know when I'll be able to see her again.

Reached there at 7am. She was queuing up to check in the luggage. Somehow, I just stood there looking. Lost for words. What should I say, "Emmm you owe money?". I won't feel right asking in front of her. Her last hours of Singapore shouldn't be remembered as her friends asking for money. Still I called her early before she went to airport to solve the chalet debts. We have ask sooner or later right?

Standing. Teck Yeow Came. Then Jon. edits* then wee ho*. And many of her secondary school friends. Didn't really mingle much. I really wanted the hug huan yuet. No I wasn't being horny. I just wanted. I won't know when she'll be back. Perhaps I wanted to treasure what's left of the time she has in Singapore. Yeah I hugged her in the end. Life should not be left in regrets. Not ever again.

Yan jie and Doreen came late. Well they should have woken up earlier. At least some tried.
---------
Friends? Who are really my friends? Would anyone care if I leave this place all of a sudden. Guess I can only count on my redbull. Friends are overrated. Many will only give you joy when it doesn't impede on their self-interest, even if its just sleeping time. Self-centred and uncaring. At least drug stimulated happiness would never let you down. I need to sleep early tomorrow try to do some running.

Sudden Emoness

2008-02-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

The sudden emoness has caused me to lust for more redbull. I should really stack some redbull at home.

And the sudden realisation of emoness for nothing has given me a sigh of relief.

Yup craziness has hit me hard. I need to clear my head, I need my redbull. Realise how stupid people can be. Emoness should be kept writen not shown. Mum's being childish again. Selfish people. Damn. When did logic became twisted with emo nonsense. (Note: I emo rationally.) Clown there's no need to wake up middle of the night and walk around outside. Attension seeking crap. Just drink some redbull and go to sleep will you? Do the healthy right thing and keep everything bottled inside you. Don't have to brag.

*edits* oh I see I hit a catch 22, how can I be crazy and able to write about my craziness? So correction, I am emo and writing on emo.

---------

Happy Chinese New Year Anyways

---------

I need some solution quick. Need to learn to stop, no control emotions better. So I can direct them to solve some real stuff rather than blogging about them. Eh I didn't get utilitarian. Well, it's logical isn't it? I need more stuff to keep me from sianzing again. Argh where is my red bull.

Copy; The Only Regret

2008-02-07T02:00:00.000+08:00

NO COPYING YOU BLOODY CLOWN

1. Don't copy ideas. Can't you least modd them. Fools.
2. Don't support copying ideas. Sorry but the dumb and dull have no excuse for lack for creativity.
---
When? I feel its coming. Soon, I will have my revenge.
---
Ah well. None, not you or you or you or you will ever understand. The constant adrenline flowing through me. Anytime now. Loosen up my mind. Lifes better in hate than divided between hate and forgiveness. What regrets would I have? The only regret is not taking revenge now. What maturity is there suffering in silence. Never to answer, never to be answered. NO! Maturity is but the realisation of the workings of the world and learning when to adapt. Never is it the appeal to holiness. There is a time for everything. The time now is revenge. My eyes have been opened. Forgiveness had its time and faded into distance. Why shall we conform to the popular values of "learning to let go"? Impossible. That we can achieve joy just by waiting, waiting, waiting. NO MORE! Indeed I have became more mature!!!
---
Life has been kind to you. You will learn.

Vitas

2008-02-04T21:23:00.001+08:00

I challenge anyone of you to sing a higher note than me. Haha but I doubt you can unless you can hit a whistle register. Yeap thats cheating but still kinda cool. Spent whole day trying to do a vitas note. I think I got it.

People are selfish creatures

2008-02-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

Oh my, I seem to have thoughts of killing people, everyone one to be precise. Ah well thats nothing new.It's quite predictable I'm going to emo about same thing I have been emoing for one year. "Tell me why". Meah people don't understand why I can keep so much vengence against some lame person.
--------
Selfish creatures

Pain coarsing my veins like the red bull I drink. Injustice. Hate envelopes me. Such was the man who felt guilty about letting down the woman he hardly knew, and loved so deeply. How would you feel that you have let down someone you love, because of loving her? If he had never loved, she won't have to suffer the embarassment. It should never have been this way, if people weren't such selfish creatures. Such despicable creatures, hiding behind your trust. The trust that was never met for to be desacrated like this. This is how love gave into hate.
-----
Then again did any of them care. Damned to suffer alone.
-----
How should forgiveness suffice? The man can never forgive himself. It was never love's fault in the first place. Yet he have to carry the burden that this happened because of him. Neither can he forgive the person, such a despicable creature. Still hiding behind everybody's trust. Foolish creatures. Everyone. "Open your eyes". The truth is screaming in front of your faces.
-----
Who cares anyway. And in the end, they are all despicable creatures, even you even I. What shall my sufferance be? Revenge! Let he who trampled and toyed with my emotions know that vengence will come. No longer will I suffer alone. For I have become a despicable creature, damned to a life of hatred. That until my salvation arrives.
------

Ah well no wonder I feel like killing everyone. Understandable yes, no? And partly due to my redbull drinking. Well sometimes I do feel so intense about this and also another incident which both happend last year. Maybe I'll write that someother time, when I feel like killing everyone again.

Death Note Template v2

2008-02-01T01:32:00.001+08:00

So whose name wants to be written in my Death Note?
A person whose name is written in the Death Note neither goes to heaven nor hell.

Well there you go, Death Note Template v2.
- Use a black bg this time.
- Shift the info more to the right
- Made a bigger textbox to contain videos and pics.
- Touch up the sides of the banner a bit
- Added some blood.

The vj server didn't let me upload stuff anymore so I couldn't get my template up for a long time. Well that and I'm lazy. Yup so I upload this new template to photobucket.

So guys no more complaining about no pictures and template.
-------------
Will you eat the cake? Say what you want, I will be taking the cake.

Power

2008-01-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

What if I have the power to destroy someone I hate?
--------
I have put my blog template on hold. I couldn't finalise what I want to do.
Instead I shall remod my old template for now.

Love; Hate

2008-01-31T00:30:00.001+08:00

Hatred infested my soul
And I lost sight of what love meant to me.

But who cares anyway. Did you? Or you?
No they don't deserve to live.

Forgive and forget
How easy to recite

Selfish rats, your bill is overdue
Time for your payment

For every hate I ask for forgiveness.
And pray that I forget that I ever fell in love with you

Sweet sweet vengence
For revenge shalll be served in a chocolate cake

For me to suffer alone in this broken down world.

And for everyone else to burn in hell.

A different voice // Pre CNY reunion

2008-01-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

I wrote that a few months ago. Back then I was still more in the mood. I can't seem to get the right stuff to continue though.
-----------
Bad news, Sweeney Todd is M18. Good news, I have the dvd in my com now.

Well for a 2-point reactive person, I should learn to lighten up the emo. As I type this the time now is 1.11 am.
But being inable to emo, I can't write my posts so...
Ahhhhh I just remembered. Sianz cousin told me to drink less caffeine, not good for the skin. How how coffee and red bull are my best friends eh!!! Any other supplements, sportade? coke? Not high enough. Haven't seen them for a long time. Yesterday was some sort of reunion dinner at mums side. I got 3 cousins in army and one just finish O levels. Two of them in armoury, one do guard duty. We use to play together lots when we were small. At the playground nearby. Suppose to close your eyes when you're on the playground slide then try to find the others. I think the game was called blind mice if I'm not wrong. I missed those days. Anyways in the end we didn't have the karaok room chinese dinner though. Just a regular dinner at restaurant. Wasted, one of my cousin sings damn well. I wanted to sing too lol.

Time and time again. Relax. Felt much better. Template coming up soon.
-----
Wait a sec, why should I lighten up. It's not my fault I feel miserable. Oh wait yes it is.

Hollow: No its not.
Samuel: Learning to let go...
Hollow: There's no need. Not worth. Waste of time, air, space and thought. By CBA, don't need to let them off.
Samuel: How so?
Hollow: See here costs, Let them off -> 1. Lots of sad emo, 2. justice not done to you. Don't let them off -> 1. Angry emo, 2. Wrong action (in majority view point)
Hollow: Benefits, let them off -> 1. More friends? Don't them off -> Less backstabbers to take care off.
Samuel: Emm I don't seee the link.
Hollow; Sure you do. Most importantly angry emo better sad emo.

Yup it does feel good to be unforgiving.

Beauty - I

2008-01-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

Love sounded through the stale night air, illuminating the heart of the young student. The student tapped gently on his handphone. The student stared at the ceiling; a vision of a radiant smile. Her bouncy short hair enhanced her lively and bubbly charisma; her deep maroon eyes encased in her crystal clear glasses, a gaze that petrifies the soul - Kawaii.

The girl isolates herself from the class. She could hardly be seen during recess; one may wonder whether she eats at all. She can be seen frequently in the library. There are two possible types of students that go to the library. After graduating from Secondary School, students tend to devote large amount of their time to studying. Many students were seen in library everyday studiously trying to completing the assignments given on the day itself. On the other hand, some students just go to the library to enjoy the cool air conditioning and sleeps at the sofa in the library. Yes, you are either a slacker or a mugger. Welcome to the life of a student studying in Junior College.

The student smiled and sighed. The forbidden fruit seem unreachable. In addition, the harsh reality of physical attractiveness has dampen the spirits of many short, average looking, plain hair styled, male students such as himself. The music played again and halted the thoughts that raced though his head. He sat up and turned off snooze mode. It’s midnight.

He sipped down the hot black coffee. The constant clicking of the mouse could be heard as the student eyes remained absolutely focused on his card. Poetry of a secret love was revealed in typed words in font Tahoma and photoshopped into a card designed by the love stricken student. “It was Love at first sight”, or so he thought and he typed the lyrics of the song of his heart. A dream of an enchanted starry night on calm and silent hilltop laid two young lovers gazing the stars together. The dream cropped into the design of his card.

It was rumoured that many guys in his class liked the girl. The student played ignorant. He could not bear the thought of good friends fighting over a girl. He could not bear the cruel politics of competition. Competition for love, comparing examination results to see who is better, the false suspicion of the good will of others, he hated them all. How he wished the world was more innocent. How he wished he was more innocent about the things happening around him.

What was so special about this girl?, the student pondered. A pretty face? Her fun-loving character? Her short hair? Perhaps an assortment of both her physical and inner beauties attracted him. Or maybe the raging hormones by the late puberty of male students had caused him to act in this illogical manner. He laughed at how weak his will was to be captured by his incomprehensible love.

File>>Save as>>”HappyValentinesDay.jpeg”>>File>>Print

Never forgive. Never forget.

2008-01-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

I have a urge to make a new template. Probably do one after I watch sweeney todd.
Funny. I seem to be less human nowadays.
Nar I'm not human to begin with.
Seemingly I feel happier.
Perhaps I'm anticipating the movie lots.
Perhaps lately I've been more evil than usual.
---
Never forgive. Never forget.
....
I will have vengence.
I will have salvation.
---
somehow I feel good about about those lyrics.
Why should I be emo about stuff that hurts me. When I can have the power to do something about it?
Why should I forgive. No its not even counted. He's not even repentant. So why, when I have the power to make sufferings twice as worse.

Is it worth it? But it feels sure bloody damn good.
Taking revenge might send me to hell. But people seldom do it as well.
I'm expecting sth morbid in my next template.

Perhaps I need help. Nar I'm perfectly fine. They deserve to die. We all deserve to die.
--------
If you prick me do I not bleed.
If you tickle me do I not laugh.
If you hurt me do I not revenge.
The villiany you teach me I will execute.
It will go hard. But I will better the instruction.
----------
Really feels good. Wonder why I still can remember those quotes.

-----
Today almost fainted during PE. For once I felt quite afraid what might happen to me. I still got lots of things I wanna do. Perhaps it made me realise. Being emo and unhappy is not worth it. Being happy is everything. Life is short. So make the best of it. I'm starting to feel less sianz. More stuff to do. More stuff to plot. In my sorrow a new man is born. Damn I'm making lots of quotes from sweeney todd. Hmm where is my knife.

Oh please if there is someone out there please watch with me sweeney todd on thursday 31 jan. I need people!!! Well I can't expect people to be always there for me can I? But least I won't start killing people after I watch the movie if someone holds me down.

Why do I like sweeney todd? Cause it's a show, a musical about how vengence can consume someone and losing sight of his goal, turning mad. With lots of comedy, morbid one's I think. I like movies which relate to how I feel. Well I don't kill people all the time. But sometimes, people are so cruel, and real hurt comes from the ones you love and the friends you cared for. The world is cruel. And I think I'm becoming more cruel myself too.

An Open Letter to Jay Chou New Music Album

2008-01-21T00:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Jay Chou Music Album,
I used to really like you. I really do. But time after time, your insensitivity towards my feelings, my dreams, hurts me so much I hate you.

Damn you. Can't you just leave me alone? My head hurts, I don't want you in my life anymore. Even though I can't see you, you keep ringing in my head. Everytime you just make me more upset. Everytime you blabber to me about the world being unfair, unjust. I once believed in our love was more than just friendship, more than words, better than any Wang Li Hong Album. In moments of depair I cry out your words. Your words under the Cai hong (rainbow), you told me not to give up on you. But sometimes your an jing (silence) towards me makes me doubt if we can carry on.

I know you like me, I used to like you too. But this niu zai heng mang ( cowboy is very busy), too busy for me to make time for you. Like Zui Chang De Dian Ying ( the longest movie ), but this movie is about to end. No use giving you two minutes more to explain. It's not you. It's just me. Remember the dandelion near the fence in our primary school. We made a Pu Gong Ying De Yue Ding (Dandelion's Promise), and said we would go on a holiday together. But I'm sry I can't keep that promise.

The truth is there's another album. I've fallen in love with Cao Ge album. I know it might be hard for you to understand. When I'm with her, I felt happy. It used to be the same with you, but now just listening to you makes me want to cry. Sry Jay Chou Album. I guess this is good bye.

Wu Bu Pei (I'm not worthy),
Samuel

16pf

2008-01-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

Lets see how accurate was mine.

1. I see I got 10 for vigilance. Full marks was a surprise. But yes I tend not to trust people. Well people don't get 2nd chances often from me. Likely my decisions ain't gonna be definite either. I don't trust there's a God. I don't trust there's no God. I don't forgive people, but I try to forgive people. Bascially, I don't trust people, I don't trust myself.

2. Under problem solving. I learnt well from experience. I tend to believe I will have a solution to my problems. I "seem" to be casual when handling situations. Note the "seem", I guess some 16pf don't understand sarcasm in "being casual" ah or maybe they tone it down a bit >.< . AND I FEEL SOMEWHAT CONCERNED ABOUT OR EVEN CONTROLLED BY PAST EVENTS IN MY LIFE. that REALLY feels right.

3. When I can't cope with stress I react differently from people who normally adapt easily to situations. Seems I have to take another red bull.

4. I tend to doubt at times what people say and do. Hmm maybe.

5. I have assertive leadership.

6. I really want to be in charge of a bevy of nurses when I grow up ^_^

7. I need professional counceling

The rest quite repeats of oversensitivity and impulsion.

Well I'm not sure how right the 16pf is about my job prospects. But it sure tells me lots about myself. I probably know myself, but its kinda neat letting people analyse and help me define the traits I have.
----------------
A thinker. Maybe it's not me thats overly "vigilant". I "doubt" that. Why not everyone else being too trusting? Why should I trust you. Or even why should I ever trust you again if you guys bloody don't tell me the truth and wait till I get hurt damn bad. Or why I did the right thing by not exposing you. Did you? Why should I suffer with "concerning with the past" and carrying a vengence in my head while still clinging on to hope for a better situation and "things will solve by themselves"? Amaze me how " I can cope so easily with stressful situations" and "react totally normal".

Hollow: VJC is over-rated.
Samuel: Friends are over-rated.
Hollow: Trust is over-rated.
Samuel: Love is over-rated.
Hollow: Have another redbull.
Samuel: Drink a cup of coffee

Ahhh which reminds me. I don't need to sleep in the afternoon to stay awake till 1am. . I regularly sleep at 3am in the hols. And I didn't sleep for 2 days the week before for ssef and especially lots of times for pw. ^_^ And don't be too proud not taking redbull or coffee since you don't like to take them anyways. And since redbull don't like you either, please take redbull off your links please!

Fire with fire

2008-01-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

Amazing what cures me is actually metal full of depressing lyrics.

Everlasting depression, this one page
Fleeting tactics, to those eyes
Without supplication, evil in law, connecting toward prison

Note with deadly poison, harboring fear at earthly desires
Incessant drool at delusional lies

Judgment, prattling on of crime unification
Who knows how to break the deadlock?

World of acquittal
Words of sanction
...

Sry red bull its not your fault

2008-01-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

Sry red bull its not your fault. It's jay chou!!!! Damn, metal actually cheered me up better.

Ain't so bad

2008-01-14T23:01:00.000+08:00

I realise perhaps it was the red bulls fault that keeps me tired and miserable. Peah next time its only Nescafe.

So these days. Lets see passed both my repapers not bad. Got a crazy long lulz dream. And it seems I got a letter from my angel. Sometimes focusing on the positives helps.

I haven't been asking God for something for a long time. Even this time I only ask God because my friend told me so. It never occured to me that in times of trouble and helplessness I always can talk to God. Somewhat I'm in a dilema. A part of me and childhood had always believe that there is a God. Then the other sider, the more experienced and aged side tells me that God is not real, just another drug. So this time I asked and the night I asked I had the a weird and fun dream. I wonder if it was some kind of message for me.

It amazes me how my logical brain is sees hope that there are some things that are not within my understanding but from God.

The truth is, my logical self is saying, dreams reflect what you really feel.Either way even it was not something from God, it was showing another hidden side of me dwelling in my subconscious.

Question: Do I still have the courage to move on?

I should really write to my mortal and angel.

Perhaps I'm getting crazy.

2008-01-12T22:26:00.001+08:00

I need something to get it off my head. Perhaps I'm getting crazy.

Hollow: More cans won't work.
Samuel: It'll go away.
Hollow: That's what you said last year.

Walking in the winter wonderland. Fool of crap. Senseless. Wth I'm doing. Saved; Fan blowing. Siss sniffed. Why can't ppl just off the com. Senseless mind control. Saved again. Scratches head. Lame. The ppl are weird. Eveyone weird. Affimation. What would it be like if The floor broke and ppl start coming out of it. And the lights turn off. And the everyone start dyi. Police car sound from the tv next door. cm just signed online. For it is written. A car , a moterbike. a bicycle. The man just got run down. It seems need more vitamins. Need more carrot cake. And char kway teow. An starbucks. And senseless. Desensitation, defragmentation. Air is backstabbing. The piano plays across the street. 1041. Is ok time to play. Lameness and stupidity and degration. All or nothing. No all stupid. then the people start talking nonsense. no sense. And fortune and black magic. Understand the hatred. Perhaps tv is routined. Everything is routined. The time stops and the clock still runs. Fortunately no one knows. No one knows anything about themselves or anybody around us. All fell into a hole lamb led to slaughter. And the clocks ticks. And a new religion is born. Indeed insanity is logical. Nothing seems as it is. Perversion of the human thought. Language. Race. Thinking. Education. All means nothing. Another person signed in. Then fan continues to blow. While I can feel the stupidity seeping into my veins the people start to become arrogant. And the people start to be idiots. Like a disease. There is no creation there is no end. Looping round and round. Then it seems nothing is ever real. Perhaps everything I do is an illusion. Whatever. Like we are all dreaming. Dreaming everything is a dream. In fact what you feel touch see, hear, smell is a dream. Full of dreams full of shit and full of sane insanity. What some one signed into msn. The fan continues to blow. A person signs in. the fan continues to blow

What would anyone know

2008-01-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

I feel something died inside me.

Walking around school doing nothing. I have no idea why. No more listening to jay chou music for 1hr. Weird. I used to space out when I have lots of things to do. But now I'm just staring blank without anything to do.

Bitterness. Feeling tired but can't sleep and nothing to do.

I seem to have almost resolved my "sianz" in the last post. Still got one more. It's most painful to trust someone with your secrets and then he backstabs you. How can I regain his trust again if I do not know what the bloody backstabber is thinking.

Some events can really shock a person. You wouldn't understand if you never felt it.

Meah. What would anyone know. Perhaps I need another sick period to keep me anyway from this depressing world

Reflecting a man's heart

2008-01-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

Today was tiring even when I sleep about 12+ yesterday which is quite early if you see what time I usually post. Been feeling a bit low these few days. I should try to switch back to coffee. Still I drink an average of 3 red bull per day. Sianz

"Sianz" is a loaded term. Sometimes I get disgusted about the world, sometimes about myself. Then sometimes maybe a draggy day. maybe.

I'm so afraid to fall in love. I dun understand. Perhaps it's too habitual. Thats not good isn't it. So time and time again I tell myself "damn it's just ur sex hormones working". I don't want anymore fighting, not more hating, no more backstabbing, take a bit of self control and another can of red bull. Or is it something other than my sex hormones at work?

Well today was first training of the year for SGC. I'm glad there were least about 6 new j1 chess players. They're quite good I should say. Seems this year would be a not bad year as well. Hope they stay on =)

Lately I've been listening to one of 曹格's song 爱到最后一秒也不委屈 . It talks about a guy whose gives up on a girl cause his best friend likes her too. I shall try to translate the chorus. *looks like I end up translating everything* I sensed I'm commiting Affective Fallacy here.

Looks like I've met a rival.
Love is facing a new threat.
When you made your decision,
It didn't have any answer
And hesitated to apologise.

Three of us sending awkward signals,
How can love treat friendship this way.
Supporting, is not my main idea.
But I have no other way,
To ever be able to stop loving you.

You said saying good bye,
Shouldn't carry any pity.
The only reason this happened,
Is because I love you.

Loving till the last second
Still not resenting.
Reflecting a man's heart.
Better than living in regret,
Rather than three feeling defeat.
At least that makes me generous.

Suffering till the last second
Still not resenting.
Because I love you.
Love on one end,
Friendship on the other.
Both I've tried my best.

I'm trying to feel happy for you,
I'll first have to try to forgive him.
Close my eyes.
And the world starts to rain.

Loving till the last second
Still not resenting.
Reflecting a man's heart.
Better than living in regret,
Rather than three feeling defeat.
At least that makes me generous.

Suffering till the last second
Still not resenting.
Because I love you.
Love on one end,
Friendship on the other.
Both I've tried my best.

曹格 - 爱到最后一秒也不委屈

* 看来我遇到了个劲敌
爱情也碰到了新危机
当你眼光中出现了
从来都没有过欲言又止歉意
为难是三个人的习题
爱情怎能对价成友情
成全不是我的主题
却又无路可去
如何能停止爱你
你说再见的表情
怎能带着怜悯
如此结局唯一原因
只因为我爱你
# 爱到最后一秒也不委曲
男人的心情
比起后悔三人都败
我起码够慷慨
痛到最后一秒也不委曲
因为我爱你
一边爱情一边友情
我都曾经尽力 * #
**
我练习祝福你
先练习原谅他
闭上眼睛
世界下起雨
##

People are happy creatures

2008-01-08T02:05:00.000+08:00

----
Hypocrites.
We are all hypocrites.
Puting a up a good face.
Lying about our feelings.
Lying to others and ourselves.
Innocence, where have you gone?

Pathetic, thinking of hate and love at the same time.
Can I be friends to those I hate?
Who dare backstab you in broad daylight.
And still smile like nothing has happened.

Perhaps, it's better if I had not done anything....

Hollow: You fool thats their plot. Getting you fooled and killed.
Samuel: Maybe it was just a moment of folly.
Hollow: No one told you anything, no one confessed.

Verbal conversions.
We all sensed it.
But we all hid our feelings.
I don't want to hide mine anymore.

Maturity, allows us to see the world in a different light.
People can't tell the painful truth.
We locked our feelings.
Then slowly we conditioned our hearts.
To accept the imperfection by lying to ourselves.

I should conditioned myself.
To stop loving.
And stop hating.
And drown myself with lies.
Have fun. And be stupid.

I'm so afraid to love. Cause maybe I just like her hair.
I'm so afraid to hate. Cause maybe backstabbing is good.
I'm so afraid to be happy. Cause maybe deep down I want to kill everyone.
Kill them all happy stupid creatures.

左右無緣

2008-01-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

I hardly listen to cantonese songs, unless its from, Cao Ge!

Felt much better and its 2am
=====
Looking up as though I see you.
Under the same sky,
Watching the same stars.

A few inches away seem so far away.
Everytime aways just a few inches away.
My imagination is selfish.

New Year, Somethings might never change

2008-01-02T00:38:00.001+08:00

Got this urge to drink 3 red bulls today

I have a bad feeling I'll fail my r papers and stay back this year. Really bad.

Take it as it goes, open another can of red bull.
-------
Hollow:"People just don't care. Why should you?"

Happiness Drugs; Recollections; New Year Resolutions

2007-12-31T00:08:00.000+08:00

I have a sudden hunger for my red bull and coffee and the year comes to an end.

Speaking of data, my sis threaten to delete my data on my other com the other day to keep me off the new com. That was one time I was unprepared o.O , the black sis btw. So I started making copies in my external hard drive. Weird as I was looking through the data, it was like looking through old stuff. Old chat messages, old games, old prelim papers, econs, gp.

Drinking coffee right now. Probably drink one later as I practice my math for my r paper. So much has past this year. New friends. New backstabbing friends. Old backstabbing friends. Insensitive friends. PW group mates. Whooshyboosh. Quit cross country. Join culinary. New beatboxing friends. The first time I felt so much hate in love. So much I hate to be in love.

I remember one of the first friends I made this year. I had it simple. But things were more complex. Betrayal, I've never though I'll ever experience it. If any of them would have told me the truth earlier perhaps it wouldn't hurt so much. It doesn't hurt now, it just fuels anger. Not so bad a side effect.

I learnt the ugly side of mugging, pw, competition. Everybody trying to beat each other. Can't we just get along? I really tried conveying "its getting your A" not trying to beat other classmates. Really tried. Well perhaps it wasn't that bad. It's just dilemma I have. Can we be really friends if everytime someone trys to help a pw grp by asking questions people scorn at the idea that that someone is trying to sponge ideas from other ppl and discourage them?

I learn I'm quite petty actually. I get irritated by the slightest stuff. Perhaps I'm thinking too deep, reading the signs too often.

This year I drank more red bull and coffee than the rest of my life. I coined them happiness boosters. Maybe I'll break the record next year. I hope not.

This year was the first year I had real non chinese tuition.

Did any good came out of this year? Well... I should think so. Emm what... OH yes two times I mention something I was proud of this year in my blog. One is teaching the students from my primary school chinese chess. In those days we didn't have any coach and playing with each other everyday was training. But now I can contribute to the hidden talent pool in ngee ann. It was one of the things that gave me so much happiness. Even though I expected more boys, I wouldn't trade the group I taught for any other grp. Their fun loving innocence, sometimes I wish I could still keep with me.

The second thing was teaching the ip1s webdesign. Well it really didn't turn that well. LOL but it was sure fun. I regret a bit I didn't have enough time. But it was nice to mix around with the whole group of them. It was reminisce for me, and reminded me how was it like in those days where learning was much more fun than now.

Well like it or not memories can be a curse or a blessing. Every year, one of my wishes for year end is to experience what really love is. This year I'm not wishing for that anymore. For 2008 I wish I can give more love to other people. To lend a hand even to the guy who backstabs me. Or at least wish I had the courage to do the things that are right. Memories can fade or stay forvever, its up to me whether to harbour hatred or to let it go. I might never forget, but I want to learn to forgive.

A Tired inspiration, data collection

2007-12-23T21:29:00.000+08:00

PRESS CTRL A TO SEE REST OF POST
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The more data I collect, the more the things I don't know about.

Perhaps ignorance is bliss. Rather be blinded by the company of friends, than to realise know their deepest darkest desires. Rather be content with religion than the question the creation of the world. It is indeed depressing to know what is behind the masks of people around you, the painful equations of fluid dynamics of cativation or otherwise know as how bubbles are created. Maybe. Maybe not. The importance of data in our lifes cannot be neglicted, for what makes up everything you see has been done by vigourous calculations of combinations of dimensions, ingredients, experiments, goals, votes, income, productivity and all the other variables.

Perhaps we can settle in the middle ground. We don't have to know everything. But what determins middle ground. Is not knowing how the engine of a car works middle ground? Is not knowing how God exactly created the Earth middle ground? Is not knowing the knife behind a friend's smile middle ground? Doubt, laziness or some might say cost-benefit analysis prevents us from doing so. The question of trust, do you trust your friends enough? Is figuring out how the toilet flushes matter at all? God is good all the time?

Can we live without know how to split an atom? I guess so. Can we live without uncovering the dark secrets of your friends? I guess so. Then can we live without collecting data? Yes and no. For some the intriguing make-up of the world is their holy grail. For some knowing more about their friends matters most while for some a face value is enough. So is it a matter of choice?

What if your choice is flawed? Your friend plots your downfall every single day, while you stay happy like a lamb lead to the slaughter. The table carrying your computer is about to break and you have no idea that you are piling too much stuff. So the question, is your choice right?

We therefore end up back to square one, we need to get more data. But hold on, how would we know our data is right? Could our data collection be flawed too? How would you know what's right anyways? How you know that I'm not blabbering bullshit to waste your time?

So perhaps if a Community Agreement, can decide whether I'm wasting your time. Data agreed by everyone would be most "right". By "right", even if the community decision on an issue is wrong, the collective agreement would be "right" in the eyes of the majority. But shall we be satisfied with the community, since the community might be blinded and engross in some form of extreme terrorism?

I shall offer a simple post-modern solution for now in order to end my post. If we question everything we see around us, we would never be able to live our lifes peacefully for the whole world might collapes at anytime. If I keep questioning on whether to collect data, I might never end my post. It's a seemingly lazy solution yet practical since I have another 252345 things in my life I need to take care of and carry on with our routine lifes. So if you want to collect data collect it. If you don't want to know what are the groaning noises next door, don't. If you want to ponder more on whether we should collect data, perhaps read my next post.

Prediction

2007-12-20T03:24:00.000+08:00

In any case ur wondering about the pics, yeah vj server down so my pics can't be seen.

The solution to all our problems is data. With data I can predict movements by observing a pattern.

It seems I have totally ignored the problem of induction. Correction, data is falsified therefore true till proven false.

Data collection on habits, accessing msn nicks, blog posts, movements, dislike likes, mugging capabilities, pw slackness, creativity, sleeping hours, hours outside, critical thinking.

It seems I have overly rely on data collection and made some errors. No matter, more errors means more data means prediction grows stronger.

What about data not within reach? I need more data

Negai Boshi by Snow

2007-12-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

It seemed that it would break.
And it was so precious I couldn't touch it...
I won't ever forget,
the wish I made upon that star...

The mysterious box at the corner of the classroom-
I never showed it to anyone,
And always pretended I didn't see it.

The starry night that I made my first wish on...
I'm still waiting
For it to be granted...

I wanted it so badly,
That I cried out loud and begged
Your nerves must've been made of a thread of steel

I couldn't hold it back
So I sent those uncontrollable feelings to the wishing star,
and made a wish.
Across the door lies a diamond-

Paint that wish of yours onto a plane,
When you carve it in, I will come to see you.

Split that shining eternity, keep the piece
The promise I made with you on that day, with a kiss..

It seemed like it would break,
And it was so precious I couldn't touch it...
I won't ever forget,
the wish I made upon that star...

Inability to emo, can't blog

2007-11-22T03:21:00.000+08:00

I don't feel much emo nowadays so I hardly blog liao.

Anyways its my 3rd day into intensive Math tution. Next week is physics.

Coffee is ok rite. I just broke my 3 weeks abstinence from coffee yesterday. The tuition centre is really cold.

The steak tastes better

2007-11-14T00:08:00.000+08:00

Much better after I saw the doc on monday. Gave me 3 different medicine.

Sianz, I quite scared of the upcoming beatbox competition, tmr gotta go sch and do vid.
It's like damn I'm not that pro >_<>_< how how how??!? Today I learn that please tell the kbox counter that we are students??!?? I think we got overcharged. But anyways kbox was quite fun. For logging sake, ziyang, jaslyn and amanda came. And amanda owes me $5.

Meh I don't feel like doing anything. Is there such thing as lacking confidence but quite full of determination?? That pretty describes me now.
-----
The steak tastes better when I take my steak taste better pill =)

Still sick and lots of gas

2007-11-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

Lets see now, I miss the first day of class chalet and I missed ip reunion. But that didn't felt all that bad. So I'm like almost all the time on the com if I'm not sleeping. Most importantly I don't feel emo when I'm sick, weird but good =) And less hallucinations from hollow.
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Seems I have lost weight again. Now Its 47kg from 50kg in the beginning of the year.
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On the downside, I can't freaking beatbox. My stomach hurts bad when I beatbox.
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I have no idea what I'm doing because I'm too sianz. I want to get more games but my com no more space liaoz. I'm farting every 15 mins now. I can feel the gas churning inside my stomach and hear it too.
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hypocritic msn nicks, hypocritic msn nicks, hypocritic msn nicks, I'd rather stay sick.

333 posts, sick

2007-11-07T21:33:00.000+08:00

I'm sick for few days now. Stomach hurts. Had slight fever. Urgh, well at least I know being sick also prevents me from being angst.

Can't live without coffee and red bull

2007-11-04T20:04:00.001+08:00

Shitz I'm gonna drink one coffee later. I can't take it anymore without my happiness boosters. I'm emo the whole day and I can't seem to do anything right. I start thinking about the backstabbing, loneliness, futility, and unfairness in the world like the world is against me.

That's it I have lost motivation to continue abstaining from coffee and red bull.

See if I drink my happiness boosters at least I still look fine and happy right?
---------------
Hollow Sam:" Obviously, you are running away from your problems"
Samuel: " I... don't want people to see how troubled I am... how black my heart is..."
Hollow Sam:" YOU KNOW YOU WANT REVENGE"
Samuel: " I don't know what I want:
Hollow Sam: " Do they know... How painful you feel everyday?
Samuel:" I don't think so...."
Hollow Sam:" every coffee, every red bull, every chocolate, why hide your hate and misery?
Samuel: " I'm much a better person than those people..."
Hollow Sam:" you're getting bullied Sam, you got to return their favours"
Samuel:" how should I?"
... ...
--------------
Why did I have to know how filthy the world is, I rather stay immature and innocent.

Late night posting

2007-11-03T02:13:00.000+08:00

I just woke up to do the pamphlet design for our op. Soon op would be over and I have no excuse not to study. Got lots of stuff in holidays, and the thought of repapers still lingers whenever I slack. Lately, I've been crazy about the chocolate coated coffee beans I bought at candy empire on Wednesday. I must be crazy to be cutting down on red bull consumption. Red bull is heaven ah. Trying to cut down to one per day.

I'd never wanna fall in love again

2007-10-31T01:46:00.000+08:00

Never Love Again
----------

I once thought that love gave me hope.
Love, it's intoxicating.
All around it was in the air
My ideals were a dream.
Waiting to take breath and come alive.

But my ideals could not be fulfilled by my human body
It was poison.
All I had care for was only a fantasy.
You didn't cared what I thought.
He wouldn't care if it killed my dream
How your secretive love displayed arrogance in front of everyone,
Dare you make a fool of me, my buddy
My heart had degenerated so bad I'd never wanna fall in love again.

New blog template

2007-10-30T13:19:00.000+08:00

Hey this is the new blog template I did in a day.

I realised the dimensions for the textbox won't fit in my previous pics or videos. May change next time. For now here it is!

New template coming up

2007-10-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

I'm having an inspiration for a new template

“Will you be eating that cake?...say what you want, but I will be taking the cake.”

Difference in arguing - family

2007-10-27T14:58:00.000+08:00

The thing about my family is that there are three different types of thinking.

One hand, my dad, does everything not to rock the boat, he's very busy so if any problems he'll just tell us to go along with it since he is very busy. Does make a point in some instances when some arguments are just meaningless waste of time.

Another one hand, me and my youngest sis sec1, like to break down arguments and destroy the opponent.

On the other hand, there's my sec3 sis and mum. Those two argue like retards, destroying themselves. Like:

me:"there are ants here, there's food somewhere"

sis:"no the ants just come by sometimes"
-- no you fool there is food, yeah and found a piece of bread---

then when I came back, sis was gone and bread is on the floor.

me:"why didn't you pick up that bread on the floor? and just spray at the ants"

sis:"no one wants to pick"
-- you clown so you left the com because you didn't want to pick the bread with ants?

I told mum.

mum:why didn't you pick it up
sis:that's because I'm nonsense
-- em you don't have to be stupid also when you're wrong? just say you lazy you bigot.

mum scolds scolds beats beats slaps slaps, unnecessary.

sis:"since you don't you think I'm a bother kick me out of the house ah",
-- that's no link NO LINK WITH KICKING YOUR ASS.

mum talks about church and cedar teaching here wrong stuff.
-- yeah virtually no link

sis:"I said I not going church I not going out till sec 4 o levels over"
-- my sis wins this round for being extremely STUPID

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I told off my sis that she doesn't have to be so stupid. I can't help saying that it's just stupid. I won't say childish, cause my mum retards as well.

I told mum its meaningless to talk to stupid ppl in an argument, something that I learn talking to my mum after a long time. She didn't heed that and argue argue argue with sis , go back room watch tv, goes out again argue argue, goes to sleep, wakes up in the middle of night, argue argue argue.
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I'm kinda happy that least my youngest sis can talk logic better than both of them. Like:

mom: "you get good results you can buy drums"
ysis: "getting drums as nth to do with results, many drumers in TK don't have many As you know"

Rite she is, mum has no argument. However the best point I gave was we are currently tight on money which was a better point then exam results, which was an obvious hint that she didn't want my sis to learn drums, done poorly by feeding nonsense and making us confuse of what she is really thinking.
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Think before you talk for everyone's sanity please!

PW project burn out

2007-10-27T14:28:00.000+08:00

I got pw burn out.

Its so disgusting, disgusting...

I hate to be creative director. It's not like I have real experience in doing project events, podcast, ppt design, animation. Seriously I'm just mediocre in designing, I just learn stuff on the spot.

Its happening again, when ppl say:"oh I dun know how to do this, quite complex." Have you even tried for a least a few hrs? Your bro's did this b4 you know. It's so convenient for ppl to just push wad they want to do onto you. Come on who doesn't know how to research. Crap this feels similar to thinkquest.
-------

Reminiscence

"Oh this is a program that can create games. You can try to make it."
why don't you try, I'm very busy designing the webpage..
"oh I really dunno how to do this..."
go learn. Google is your best friend.
"emmm I do sth else, quiz questions"
-- ok
"here it is"
emmm you used a html quiz maker?? thats quite easy to do, not high quality. Can do flash?
"emm I don't know how to do flash", can you learn?!??! your bro's in computing you know?
"emmm"...
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Yup it'll be nice for all of you to go to hell =)

Webdesign Course Wins Best vSparks project

2007-10-27T13:59:00.000+08:00

I'd like to say well done to the vSparks team!! Yes we won best vSparks project for our web design course. Thanks to especially Tian Wei for getting us together. Thanks Chun Han for doing the course with me. And thanks to the ip1s, especially 07v12!!!
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Ah coffee needs sugar SUGAR I NEED SUGAR SUGAR. SUGAR SUGAR.
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Yesterday met up with the ip3s. I thought I could eat more at the buffet table, seems I'm not like I used to be.

Looks like somemore ip teachers are leaving ip... its kinda sad... that almost all the original ip teachers are going to leave vjc. I somewhat wished that we could go with them, but we all have our own lifes to lead. I really wished we could have talked more yesterday. I wanted to tell them so much but I guess I was lost of words at that time. Just listening and enjoying their presence made me satisfied.

Returning the favour

2007-10-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

Back stabbed and I've got the urge to return the favour.
There's really 2 people I want to make miserable.
But I can't, I won't.
Indeed I think I'm crazy.
To still hold my posture.
And to hold a grudge for so long.
I feel as though as the slightest remark,
Would make me hit you with a glass bottle.
Indeed I think I'm crazy.
To still hold my posture.
When my mind says kill
but my heart says love.
------
James, Cell group leader:"When a guy emo, it is got to be about a girl."

OP and ip web design workshop

2007-10-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

Todays oral presentation workshop and I was nervous all over again.

Well was busy these few days. First off we have monday. (hmmm I can't ignore that rite). Taught the ip1s dreamweaver. I guess 07v12 was quite cool, even though they did lots of other stuff while I was teaching the dreamweaver, like reading my blog and spamming my tagboard. Reminds me of the time I was in ip and I miss my 05v13. well for those 07v12 reading my blog have fun in ip!! really when u reach jc1 lots of people mug and spoils the fun =( I didn't mind the noise, didn't mind them not paying attention at some times, lol I would have done the same then. lack of time I can't help it anyways, mr boyle gave 1 1/2 hr for dream only had to rush. I didn't learn much as well when I attended the dreamweaver course when I was ip1. But really dreamweaver is very useful especially for editing blogs. So ya try to learn by urself >_<

Hanged out at the rock climbing wall that afternoon, lots of ip3 are members there. I laid there watching the members, looking at the sky, drinking my 3rd red bull that day and while practicing my oral presentation. Perhaps going to the rock wall somewhat reminds me of the times I had in ip.

Well practicing the oral presentation didn't make much use, still quite screw my presentation today. I just get nervous. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I was too obsessed with getting the words in the script right. Anyways thats over. And in my mind I know that I'm still thinking of it and upset of it even when I say thats over.

Tried hanging out again at the icomp lab this afternoon, good practicing beatboxing there with Abhishek lol pretty gay but pretty cool there's good stereos. But I didn't beatbox there today, koganti had to leave for sth and we couldn't stay in the lab.
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So much to do, so little time. Yet I still stare into blank space. Upset. But I'm not sure why. Perhaps I can't forget the backstabbing, the heart breaking, the nervousness, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the selfishness, the shortness. Perhaps its one of those, all of those, or some other thing. I don't know, I don't care. And in my mind I know that I'm still upset even when I say I don't care.

PMS and nothing to do

2007-10-19T18:43:00.001+08:00

It seems PMS and nothing to do has got the best out of mum again